So somewhere, there was a conversation that went something along these lines..

 
“Okay.. so we need a game tie in for the Watchmen launch.”
“I thought we had one — The End is Nigh..”
“Yeah let’s not talk about that.  Something new.  What’s the hottest thing out there right now.”
“Well.. everyone’s big into virtual worlds and social networks.  You know, MMOs..”
“Yes!  A Watchmen MMO!  Now.. what’s the best console?”
“Well actually the iPhone is the hottest gadget out there.  It’s practically taking over the world.”
“Excellent! So MMO, iPhone, and Watchmen!  Make it happen!”
“Um, who do we get to develop it?”
“Doesn’t matter.  Just do it.  And have it done by March 3rd!”
“Um sir?  What about a design.. you know.. classes.. skills.. quests..”
“Fuck that shit.  We dont’ have time for that. Give them a character, allow them to fight, and allow them to talk.  That’s all an MMO is anyway.”
“Um.. but..”
“Now GO!  And OH be sure it uses cloud technology!”
“What’s cloud technology?”
“No fucking clue.  But my twitter guy says it’s all the rage.  Do it!”
“Um right!”
“And PATENT that shit!”
“Yes sir!”

And good lord they were right weren’t they?  You couldn’t swing a dead cat on the internet this weekend without hearing about the Watchmen MMO on the iPhone.  By successfully combining just about every hot buzzword in the industry into a single title they generated an extraordinary amount of buzz over what is, according to people that have played it, an extraordinarily crappy game.   Even the guy from C-Net, whom is undoubtedly being paid to say nice things about it, could only say “It’s cool but crashy!”   

Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I haven’t played the Watchmen MMO on the iPhone.  And I’m not likely to either.  And generally, I’m against commenting on things that I haven’t played for at least some amount of time.  But I think, from everything I’ve read, and what I’ve seen, I’m safe in this case of making an exception. 

Let me be perfectly clear on some things.  What you see below.. this is an MMO.

This is NOT an MMO:

I’m not sure WHAT that is.. according to Joystiq, it’s hobo fighting.  Seems pretty close to me.  Still unclear?  Another example.  This is an MMO:

NOT an MMO:

Are you starting to see the difference?  I *get* that virtual worlds and MMO’s are one of the hottest genre’s out there right now, despite the disappointing results of 2008’s big budget launches.  I get that everyone and their mother is trying to figure out the perfect blend of social networking and virtual worlds.  But I’m getting tired of every company with money that can throw together a 3D space and an avatar for you to walk around it in doing so, calling it an MMO, and then hoping like hell you’ll like it enough to want to buy hats and shoes.   From the designer of the game himself, this is how he describes the game:

” The initial roll-out will be an advanced release where players can upgrade their fighting abilities, change their appearance, gain experience points, socialize with other players, and keep record of their achievements. “

Guess what.  That’s a chatroom with a thin veneer of gameplay.  It’s not an MMO.  Now, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking lately about alternate platforms and consoles to play my genre of choice, and I actually think handheld phone devices could be a good choice.  The main reason is that unlike living room consoles, phone devices have a texting device built right in.  Communication could actually be similar to what it is for PC MMO’s right now.  And I’ve played more than a few single player RPG’s on handheld devices, and had great fun doing so, when the game is built in such a way that I can get in and get out at a moment’s notice.  So I do think there is a market here.

But this game is not the harbinger of that market.   This game is a publisher’s gawd awful attempt at capitalizing on a hot IP using a hot genre on the platform flavor of the month.  It is exactly what almost every game based on a movie licence, instead of a game design is — crap.   Let’s do one more example.

This is an MMO:

This?  I don’t know the hell this is.  I think he’s dressing a wrestler.

Am  I crazy?  Think the Watchmen MMO for the iPhone is the standard bearer for a new day of freedom for MMO players from the shackles of their desks forever?  Post up your thoughts!  Agree or disagree, I love to hear them.